Tuesday Night Lights

It's really very curious, the effect being in the space and having some semblance of an audience can do to you. I'm not necessarily saying it's good or bad, but it's always different, always interesting, and, admittedly, always enjoyable.

But just because I'm having a good time, doesn't mean I'm wholly confident in the work I'm doing. When I'm faced with a performance type situation, my adrenaline makes everything much sharper. I feel like I listen more keenly, and my kinesthetic response is much more acute and rapid. There are times though, when I feel like I get swept away in all this excitement, and while the vitality of my work skyrockets, I think sometimes, I sacrifice my discipline.

Throughout the run last night, I was very wary of reverting to old tricks of mine, especially since a particular issue mine has always been playing my energy and enthusiasm rather than my objectives and actions. I get like a dog chasing cars. I get really excited, lose ease and specificity, and become unavailable to the audience. I'm not precisely sure I was doing this last night, because I did feel like the majority of my reactions were rooted genuinely in my castmates (although some of these reactions may have been a bit grandiose for my own good), but it's something that I'm going to have to be careful of for the duration of my career. It's especially important (and difficult) playing Toby, because he's such a fun and bombastic character, but he also has his age and experience that has to restrain him a bit. I can't be some virile little frat boy. This is a man who still enjoys the hell out of a good time, but is also in the twilight of his "mortal act."

So, this sacrificing of ease and efficiency for energy is something that I will continue to pay close attention to.

Pacing was a big concern of mine, as well. Especially at the beginning of the show. When I was off stage, I knew I wanted to make my entrance and get things revved up and going, but I was nervous that I would make speed my objective, rather than my proper textual motivation. So I attempted (with a debatable amount of success) to let my objective inform the tempo, and let my need be the thing that propelled the text rather than, "I need to make this fast." This is actually something that I was discovering in Catherine's viewpoints class, when we were adjusting the tempo of our gestures. I found that when my gestures were either very fast or very slow, the stakes of the movement raised dramatically. I tried to apply this principle to the text, and will continue to do so over these final few rehearsals.

There was also a very specific moment in act III iv when I had Jon Michael on the ground and I actually realized that everyone was playing in that same elevated state, and all sorts of new and interesting choices were coming out of it. This was a great reminder for me that I'd have to be extra sensitive to my castmates, and reacting off what I'm given, because the adrenaline of a performance can inspire a new choice from any of us, and we have to be ready to receive anything, because these discoveries can take any given scene to a place we have yet to imagine it going. And that's when things can get really exciting.

So, like I said, it's very interesting what happens under the lights, and I'm very anxious to see where we can take this bad boy before Friday evening.

MOST IMPORTANTLY

I CANNOT ARTICULATE HOW MUCH I HAVE ENJOYED SHARING THIS PROCESS WITH ALL OF YOU. THE OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH INDIVIDUALS OF SUCH STAGGERING ABILITY AND COMPASSION IS ONE I TAKE LIGHTLY, AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY.

SO THANK YOU. UNTIL THE NEXT TIME!

Toby