Let's make them cry...

We did.

Holy shit. We made them cry.

Our second performance of the show was one of the most illuminating and rewarding theatrical experiences I've had to date. I say this because, it was the first time I've ever performed for a group of people, where I didn't have the supercharge from having them there. As the show began I was really quite alarmed at how low my energy was, and got really scared that something was wrong, and I was going to forget something, or fall victim to some other horrifying turn of events.

When I got off stage after my first scene, John and I looked at each other very quizzically. We didn't say anything. I don't think we wanted to jinx it. I knew something was different but I didn't think it was bad. Just different. I knew I was going to have to redouble my efforts in specificity and listening to compensate for the absence of the manic audience buzz.

It never came. What did come to me however, was a complete reliance on the people I was on stage with. Without the buzz, all we had was our technique, and all the tools we'd learned over the past two years. We had to pick up our cues, stay in front of the audience, and keep playing actively. It seemed like I wasn't the only one thinking it either, because, whereas the first night, I thought it seemed like we kind of were getting tired towards the end, last night, it seemed like we were gaining momentum the more the show went on.

Another really interesting thing about last night, was I noticed, in an attempt to connect to the audience and "let them in" I was actually disconnecting from the people I was acting with. Thankfully I caught myself and redoubled my efforts to stay in the moment, but that was a very curious inclination I had. I wonder if I felt compelled to reach out extra hard because my internal energy was down. I tried to tell myself though, it really doesn't matter what we feel as actors. All that matters is what we make the audience feel. That's where I think a lot of our focus went as a company last night, and I think we had another really successful run because of it.

So, on the final night of JPP's, I was reminded how valuable and essentially applicable our training is, and I feel reassured that it will always be there to help me as I continue to learn and work as an actor. I was also reminded how crucial it is to remain with your scene partners at all times, and how heavily we have to rely on each other as a company. Because, like I said before, no matter how the show's going, it's not going to stop for any of us. So we have to really trust the text, our training, each other, and ourselves, and know that everything will work out.

It's kind of a lesson in neutrality. Kind of surrendering to the work that's been done and to the text that now lives in you and letting the moments create themselves rathering than us hammering them into shape. We don't know how the show is going to go from moment to moment, but if we trust ourselves and stay easy, the audience can trust us, too, and then the piece is allowed to affect them. All great art is truely rooted in ease.

So many lessons. So much medicine. So. So. Grateful.